Entry: Posibilities Sunday, November 16, 2003

I think i need to stop trying to fool myself and start living in reality.  I always feel like i am improving the truth when i tell people things.  I need to just tell it like it is. and stop cursing and talking loud.  I dont think people want to be arround me when i am like that.  So i think that for my....thanksgiving resolution.....i will resolve to be a more mature and good person.  I think that i will honestly make a concious effort to be that way too.  who knows. i can never predict my self.  i hope people can tolerate me once they get to know me, because i am usually all over the place.  i hate it myself.  I dont understand how other people dont.  sometimes i feel like i am living in my own little world. and for the time being, it is nice, but after awhile it get frustrating because i know that everything i think will happen never will.   

As for possibilities, i think i really like this kid and i dont know if he likes me....haha its so high school...
and speaking of illusions, i tell myself that we are going on a date, and we sort of are, he asked me to hangout and i suggested a movie and he said that was cool, but when i asked if it was a date, he said he didnt know, so whatever i am confused, eventhough all of that is probally in my mind...i think i am slowly going crazy...well thats enough of that i suppose

As for Travis, i still really like him alot, and i deffinitly dont think he likes me even in some small amount in the back of his head.   The other day after school i was standing with jay and he walked past and they said hello to eachother and as he walked away i said "god i love him"..of course i was exaggerating like i always do....and apparently i didnt realize how loud i had said it because he turned right arround and looked at me and i deffinitly think he heard me. So now, in my head he deffinitly hates me and thinks that i am stalking him...so as much as i like him, i feel like ive ruines things.
Oh well this is the story of my life.

Big  ups to the LI Bands who have finally made it.....
Taking back sunday...amityville
The Prize Fighter....Pete is from Bayport!!!
and many many more.....

Heres an emo song that i love from dashboard called handsdown....i am such a dork!
Hands Down
Breathe in for luck
Breathe in so deep

Hands Down

Breathe in for luck
breathe in so deep
this air is blessed
you share with me
this night is wild
so calm and dull
these hearts they race
from self control
your legs are smooth
as they graze mine
we're doing fine
we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours
to fill or burst
or break or bury
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed
lets not get busted,
just lay entwined here
Safe from the earth and all the stupid questions..
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear,
so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours
to fill or burst
or break or bury
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember, I
'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock
when we realized it's so late
and the walk that we shared together.
The street was wet
and the gate was locked
so I jumped it and let you in
and you stood at the door
with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me,
but you meant it
and I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.

I want this to happen to me...who will be the lucky guy???



November 16, 2003   10:51 PM PST
Jesss! Best friend!! I love you. Hmm I wonder who the lucky guy will be :) I just noticed, we think a lot alike. Well, I love you and it's late so goodnight my darling! :)

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